infatuation

i have recently realized something about the way i experience relationships with the opposite sex, specifically when i begin to develop feelings for someone in a romantic sense. in the period of time known as the “crush” stage, i experience butterflies waiting for the next time i get to see or talk to that person; i spend copious amounts of time trying to figure out how a certain word or look makes us soul mates; anytime he shows the least sign of pursuit i experience extreme giddiness that, in a girl my age, is positively embarrassing. don’t even get me started at the opposite end of the spectrum: when a guy that i have been imagining a relationship with shows disinterest my heart sinks into my stomach, i am prone to tears, i seek comfort from my friends, etc., etc. after this realization about the heights of happiness and depths of despair i endure in such a superficial situation, i am left asking myself several questions:

first of all, shouldn’t i feel all of the emotions of infatuation i feel for someone that isn’t even pursuing me for a God that has pursued me since before time began?

secondly, when i find myself stuck in sin, should i not feel as torn up over that as i do over the disappointment of an absence of reciprocated interest in a man that it was plainly not God’s will that i be with?

these are very relevant issues for me right now, and i am currently undergoing a lot of introspection to figure out what the answers to these questions could mean in my life. i’ll try and keep you posted as i try to figure it all out…