Valentine’s Day

warning: men, you probably won’t learn much from this blog, except perhaps just how crazy women truly are.

let me paint for you a little picture.  sunday, valentine’s day, 2010.  the jones/sims family is celebrating a birthday by having lunch at mima’s.  all the aunts and uncles are there, along with both of my brothers (married), my cousin and his fiancee, my other cousin and her girlfriend’s son.  who from that day was single?  mima (82 years old), great aunt marie (92 years old), hunter (7 years old), and yours truly.

most of the time i am very content to be single.  my last relationship was a nightmare, and although it ended almost two years ago, i still carry the scars he etched into my heart.  i am both envious and suspicious though, of the love and friendship that everyone in my family seems to have found.  but the bottom line is that i am not ready to be in a relationship from an emotional standpoint.

and from a spiritual standpoint?  not there yet either…not there, but hopeful and commited to growth.

I Peter 3:1-6

¹Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, ²when they see your respectful and pure conduct. ³Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— ⁴but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. ⁵For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, ⁶as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

my conduct is far from respectful and purity eluded me long ago.  if you asked my closest friends to describe me, a phrase i feel confident they would NOT mention is a “gentle and quiet spirit.”  my very being shies away from the word ”submissive”;  i’m not quite sure how to reconcile the fact that i am a woman who is ambitious and independent to the fact that i should strive to be a wife who submits to her husband.  i also have difficulty believing that there are men out there who wouldn’t exploit a submissive wife (another remnant of my weeping scars…)

Ephesians 5:22-33

²²Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. ²⁴Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

²⁵Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, ²⁶that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. ²⁸In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ³⁰because we are members of his body. ³¹“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” ³²This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. ³³However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

a “profound mystery”…how frustrating!  it’s daunting to think of how far away i am from being ready for a relationship.  it seems that God will have to conduct an entire personality overhaul.  i feel that my faith is lacking in his ability, but this is crazy; God has shown me so many miracles in my short life that a personality overhaul is truly “small potatoes” in comparison.  i need to grow my faith and believe that if God can create a man who can love his wife as himself, he can produce a change in me that makes me worthy of that love.  my “rational doubt” can just go to heck.